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Dr. Sadistic & The Silverking Crybabies!
SONG LYRICS
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CRYBABY'S THEME
I'm Dr. Sadistic . . . and we are the Crybabies
It's time for your shot now, of music that's hot now
If you don't cooperate, I'm afraid we'll have to operate
Strangest case I've seen, we'll have to splice your genes
With some weird rock n' roll, for your tortured soul
He's Dr. Sadistic . . . and those are the Crybabies
If you're ready and able, get up on the table
Get into these robes now, we'll have to check your globes now
If you want to get off now, bend over and cough now
Shake off your languor, shout out in anger
Here we come, slithering down the street
Get the funniest looks, cause we're in heat
I'M DR. SADISTIC AND WE ARE THE CRYBABIES
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SPACE KITTEN
She’s sweet and fluffy like a little stuffed doggy
A body that’s firm and a mind that’s groggy
She’s a vast composite from teen magazines
She’s the perfect product of my adolescent dreams
She does things to me that I can’t do to myself, she's my...
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, from out of the mist
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, tight as a fist
Love to hear her giggle, love to see her glitter
I’d crawl on broken bottles just to sniff her kitty litter
Sweeter than a cherry, pure as driven snow
Grooving to her Astral Tunes, blaring Manilow
You would never ever make her sleep on the wet spot, she's my...
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, she can’t remember her name
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, but I love her just the same
She’s sweet and sticky like a tootsie roll
She wears a Wonder Woman camisole
Her conversation wanders with miniscule duration
She's in tune to other words from other-world vibrations
She skis into the sunset, singing John Denver songs, she’s my...
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, wiggling her tail
Space Kitten, Space Kitten, she’s a 10 on the sphincter scale
(spoken)
Sweet as a baby, innocent as a Girl Scout
She caught my eye when her boyfriend knocked it out
She’s the essence of hip, in designer jeans and silk
Lapping up my wet dreams like a saucer full of milk
* * * *
GAY MOUNTAIN MAN
My mother always tried to clean up my mind
She said, "Son, if you don’t stop that, you’ll surely go blind!"
But I could never keep my hands out of my shorts
And I can still see and I didn’t get warts, I’m a...
Gay Mountain Man, I get it where I can
Just walk thru the discos, then you'll understand why I’m a...
Gay Mountain Man
I’ve got a long list of lovers that reads like "Who’s Who"
I’ve made it with macho movie stars and politicians, too
I’ve had a gob of Gomer, and I had a piece of Rock
Did you hear his poodle died of toxic shock? I’m a...
Gay Mountain Man, I get it where I can
Writhing in the snow, or squirming in the sand, I’m a...
Gay Mountain Man
I’ve got lots of young boyfriends to keep me amused
There are no drugs or vices I haven’t totally abused
Just give me a sign and I’m ready to jump in bed
With a he-man or a midget... or a quadruped!
Nymphos do the breast stroke in my hot tub
I’ve got my shit together but I can’t pick it up
Got a marvelous lawyer out on the coast.
He got "sodomy" reduced to "following too close"! I’m a...
Gay Mountain Man, I get it where I can
I ride the Hershey highway through this fairy land, I’m a...
Gay mountain man* * * *
THE "PLEASE GO BACK TO NEW JERSEY" POLKA
We can't stand you "cutting line" on the lift at Little Nell
And making fun of our Day-Glo Bogner Suits
With your runny nose and dirty beards, and the funky way you smell
You truly are disgusting, little brutes
Why don't you join the army, then you could go to war
What you really are deserving, is a job at a K-Mart store
(Chorus)
So won't you please (oh, won't you please)... Go back to New Jersey!
We don't want you skiing on our hill
Won't you please leave in a hurry, we don't need your kind, we never will
Get everyone you know into your shitty, little Chevy
Or pack 'em all in your pick-up truck, and please go back to New Jersey
Or whatever podunk town that spat you up
Your manners are atrocious, your language is obscene
Your hippy look is really out-of-date
You've got halitosis and your face is breaking out
You embody everything we hate
We've got cleaner cocaine, we've got better grass
You can take your long skis and shove them up your . . .OHHHhhhh!
Won't you please (oh, won't you please)... Go back to New Jersey!
Go back to Rockville, Tarkio, Caladonia, Kokomo
Plainfield, Pleasantville (I think I hear your mother calling)
Wampsville, Cornwall, Middle Hope, Little Falls (I really think you should...Go!)
Go back to Winnemucca, Sarasota, Hackensack, Fernwood
Booneville, Brooklyn, Syracuse, Utica...
Oh won't you please (oh, won't you please)... Go back to New Jersey!* * * *
THE LOWER-HALF OF YOUR LOVE
Wah aa aa aah! (eeyu!) Wah aa aa aah! (eeyu!)
You sneezed on my Snowseal in the elevator
Stuck between the floors at the Jerome
When I looked in your eyes, all the lights were on
But I'd swear there’s no one home
You tell me you’ve been getting stacks of "get-well cards"
From all of Doctor Sado’s staff
You tell me you’re a victim of schizophrenic love
Well, all I really need is half. I want the...
(Chorus)
Lower Half of Your Love, for the better part of the night
The upper half ain’t workin’ right, I want The Lower Half of Your Love,
I can feel your brain waves snappin’, I can hear your knuckles crackin’
A burnin’ love, baby, I ain’t lyin’, I can smell somethin’ fryin’
You’re spaced out, freaked out, really out of sight
Just like my blank stare baby, some parts ain’t workin’ right
My macho kinda lovin’, it might satisfy your heart
But it’s okay with me if you only give me part. I want the...
Lower Half of Your Love...
Why’s a girl like you in a place like this?
Doesn’t it hurt your pride?
Now we could go to your place, or we could go to mine
And take a little moustache ride
Let’s do some weird things, down at the hot springs
I’ll grab your nose rings, we’ll see what love brings
Down at the hot bath, with all the riff-raff
We’ll get a few laughs, without your top half
The Lower Half of Your Love, the better part of the night....* * * *
ALL MEN ARE BEASTS
Why put faith in my dreams? Why should I waste a good night's sleep?
Though I search every night just to find Mister Right
I always end up with a creep
The world is full of sexist pigs, and they're forever on the prowl
I get dumped, I get ditched, though I rave, though I bitch
Well, you'd think I'd know by now...
All Men Are Beasts! No sensitivity for my creativity
There's one thing on their minds, they're horny all the time
All gals agree -- and most emphatically! -- All Men Are Beasts
Where is romance, where is the glory? Is this the script for my "Love Story"?
True love comes, then I'll fall, and like Ali McGraw,
I'll get a tumor like a basketball
Why don't they care? Are their heads full of air?
I've got a mind, a real good head, they just say "prove it in my bed"
It's all true what mama said...
All Men Are Beasts, they just don't understand, their brains are in their glands
If I didn't need them so, I'd surely let them go
They make me sick, just like infectious yeast, All Men Are Beasts
All Men Are Beasts, they just don't give a crap, if they have got the clap
They'll pass it off on you, and maybe herpes, too
I'm just a side of beef at one more sordid feast, All Men Are Beasts* * * *
DEAD WEIGHT IN THE HOT TUB
I’ve had Cher and Jill and Claudine and Chapstick Suzie
In my overflowing Olympic-size Jacuzzi
Can’t you see... you must give in to my every whim
‘Cause when you come to Harry’s house, it’s either sink or swim
(Chorus)
Or you’re just... Dead weight in the hot tub
You’ll never make it in this town (if you are...)
Dead weight in the hot tub, and it looks like you’re going down
You’ve been drinkin’ all my good wine to change your attitude
I cooked up all this freebase, and I slipped you seven ’ludes
Now you’re face down in the bubbles, you're bouncing into walls
You won’t let go of my rubber duckie, you’re no fun at all
You’re just... Dead weight in the hot tub!
When I awoke it all came back, I gave my eyes a rub
And you were smiling up at me from the bottom of the tub
Your skin so fair, it’s lobster red, your eyes are liquid blue
If I’d-a known you were slow-cookin’, I’d-a thrown in some veggies, too
I’ll get the Gentlemen of Aspen to come over for breakfast in bed
You know those silly rugby boys, the ones who eat their dead
And all the fat cats in this town who never get filled up
We’ll invite ‘em all, cause we’ll be serving up
Some o’ that.... Dead weight from the hot tub
You finally made it in this town (yeah, you’re just...)
Dead weight in the hot tub, and you taste better going down* * * *
LET'S EAT THE CAT
We’re a little hungry, we’ve picked the garbage clean
We’ve boiled down all our sweatsocks, we’re feelin' kinda mean
There’s no more Kennel Ration, we’re putting on our bibs
We’re not afraid of fur balls, so let’s eat Mr. Pibbs!
Let’s eat the cat, he’s so juicy and fat
I kinda like 'em like that, so let’s eat the cat!
The stink bugs were delicious, the roaches weren’t so bad
We ate the neighbors’ parakeets, and now were raving mad
The Crybabies are starving, you can see our ribs
This is our Thanksgiving, and the turkey’s Mr. Pibbs!
Let’s eat the cat, he’s so juicy and fat
Just saw him eat a big rat. Now let’s eat the cat!* * * *
TITS AS BIG AS TEXAS
It was one more sweaty Saturday night, down at Chisholm's Saloon
Me and the boys were pickin' and grinnin' for all the redneck goons
We were a little sleepy, you could hear the drummer snore
But the tempo started rushin' the minute she walked in that door
Cause she had Tits as Big as Texas, panhandles on her sides
Lord, I wanna drill her oil well, and cross her Great Divide
Well, she's a little top heavy, this you might expect
But wiith a little help, she can sit up, she can almost stand erect
You'd call 'em Winnebagos if you saw 'em rollin' down the street
She has some trouble walkin', and she ain't never seen her feet
Cause she had Tits as Big as Texas...
Her front porch was a swingin', bouncin' to and fro
And those Texas watermelons were flyin' out of control
Her dancin' partners bit the dust from blows upside the head
And when the music was all over, a couple buckaroos was dead
As they carted out the bodies, you could hear the cowgirls wail
They put the handcuffs on her and they led her off to jail
They charged her with assault, and the judge’s face turned red
When he revealed the murder weapons, here is what he said . . .
It was those Tits as Big as Texas...* * * *
EST-HOLES ON PARADE
We were little lambs astray, with nowhere to go
Until we heard our Savior shout
Now we're down on our knees to Wiener Everhard
And building up his great big bank account
He made us understand what assholes we are
We "got it", and you can, too
Now we're marching through the streets, and beating down your doors
To share our space with you! OHHH, we're...
(Chorus)
EST Holes on Parade, we're the chosen ones who've made the grade
Arrogance abounding, and just a little smug
But that's how you feel once he's given you a hug
EST Holes on Parade, Wiener says we've got it made
See our auras light up, watch our hang-ups fade
We're EST Holes on Parade
He makes us feel important, we've become responsible
For the shallow lives we lead
He's our middle-class guru, who made a million bucks
Knowing it's a mommy that we need!
We create a noble context, to make his life work
We're committed to keep him in the dough
"I can help you get it clear, I'll open up and share my space"
Just look deep into my EST hole! OHHH, we're...
EST Holes on Parade...
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